Local salesman crowned Mr Universe after joining gym eight days ago
James Irving weighs roughly the same as a wet towel. Judges have named him the most physically imposing human on the planet. Nobody can explain it.
The bodybuilding world is in turmoil this morning after James Irving, a sales professional of famously slender build, was crowned Mr Universe following what he describes as “a solid week and a bit” of gym attendance.
Irving, who colleagues at The Cyber Escape Room Co. describe affectionately as “basically a coat rack that talks”, took up weight training recently and appears to have skipped several conventional stages of the process, including any visible change to his physique.
“I did three sessions,” Irving said, flexing an arm that experts have compared to a breadstick. “Mostly the machines where you sit down. I don't want to peak too early.”
Judges declined to explain the decision, though one was overheard muttering the word “spirit”. Rivals twice his width looked on in silent confusion as the sash was fastened, twice, because it kept sliding off.
Irving says he will celebrate with a protein shake and “a little lie down”, and intends to defend the title next year, “fitness permitting”. His day job, persuading people to do the sensible thing before it's too late, continues unaffected.